


It Came From The Kinkmeme: Four Sherlock & John Mini-Fills

by berlynn_wohl



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gay Chicken, Humor, Kink Meme, M/M, Mystery, Seattle, Succubi & Incubi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 04:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berlynn_wohl/pseuds/berlynn_wohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four mini-fills for prompts originally posted on the BBC Sherlock kinkmeme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A mystery set in the Pacific Northwest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More info:  
> http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=12375

With all the delicacy of a thief opening a safe by touch, Sherlock caressed the scuffed faux-wood paneling.

John started to say, "Why don't you just--"

Sherlock shushed him. "This machine holds many secrets," he whispered. "But anything made of matter will accumulate, on it's surface, nearly all the data one needs to unlock these secrets. To begin with, the date of manufacture would provide us with many clues." Sherlock circled round the machine, eyes darting. He found no tell-tale panel which might bear a serial number, but as a consolation, the wear and fingerprints on the front told him that someone had opened the device between fifteen and seventeen days ago. After a quick check of the weather reports for the previous three weeks, he changed his estimate to between twelve and fourteen days.

"Sherlock." John was pleading now. Was his voice tinged merely with impatience, or did Sherlock detect apprehension? Fear? "We can end all this! There's a very simple way to determine what happens when you push that button!"

"I can't John. I just can't."

"Why not?" Frustration, now. "Not enough of a challenge for you? Must you always resort to nebulous, roundabout techniques, just to prove you're a genius?" John had no patience for machines. And no doubt he was wondering, as was Sherlock himself, whether the location of the machine held some significance. John Street. Was their coming here a simple coincidence? Or were they drawn here by sinister forces?

"No, I mean I literally can't," Sherlock replied. "I haven't any American coins on me."

"Fuck's sake," John said, digging in his pocket until he could produce two quarters and a nickel. He slipped them into the rusted coin slot and pushed the button which bore the faded and crudely-lettered message: ?MYSTERY?

Their quarry tumbled down the delivery chute. John plucked it from the tray and announced, "Cherry Coke."

Although he had said nothing up to that point, not having collected all the data, Sherlock had theorized that the machine would produce a Dr Pepper. He did not admit this to John, merely cursed himself. "Stupid. Stupid."


	2. Sherlock licks John's face in a non-sexual way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked this game up on Wikipedia, and apparently in the UK they play something similar to Slug Bug, but it goes by a different name. The joke here only kind of works if I use the rhyming American name, so...sorry Brits?

*Sherlock and John, in a cab, stuck in traffic*  
*Out of nowhere, John punches Sherlock in the arm*

JOHN: Slug Bug!  
SHERLOCK: I beg your eternal pardon?  
JOHN: There's a Beetle right there. Red one, see it?  
SHERLOCK: I do have eyes.  
JOHN: That's what you do when you're bored in the car. If you see a Beetle, you punch the other fellow in the arm before he sees it and does it to you.  
SHERLOCK: That sounds worse than being bored.

DAYS, POSSIBLY WEEKS LATER.

*Sherlock and John in a cab, stuck in traffic.*  
*Out of nowhere, Sherlock licks a long, slow, wet stripe up the side of John's face.*

JOHN: Gah! What the HELL are you doing?  
SHERLOCK: Slobber Saab.


	3. Sherlock is an asexual incubus

She awoke well before sunrise. The room was entirely dark; with the thick velvet curtains shut, even moonlight could not penetrate the blackness.

Sensing that she had awoken for a reason, that something dangerous was in the room with her, she held her breath. Her eyes darted about to check for any peril, but she was still blind in the darkness. The moment she attempted to sit up, terror engulfed her, for she found herself frozen in place. Some force seemed to hold her, and when she tried in vain to open her mouth and cry out for help, she became even more certain that something was there with her, pinning her to the bed.

She became aware of a weight on her chest, and then she perceived the presence above it. Despite struggling with all her might, she could not so much as twitch her little finger. Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the dark, and the outline of a crouching figure manifested itself, a sinister sight to accompany this sinister imprisonment.

It was pale -- a creature so pale might have been an angel, but she believed an angel would possess a radiance that this figure lacked -- and though it crouched, she could discern its impressive height and lean frame. It looked down upon her with a coldness that led her to conclude that she was the unfortunate captive of nothing less than a demon. A wave of despair overcame her as she realised that this, her worst fear, was now made flesh before her. This foul creature would rob her of her most precious treasure, her virtue, and soon, in great pain and anguish, she would bear the spawn of the abyss.

The demon’s gaze pierced her to the core, but fleetingly -- a moment later it shifted its attention to the tiny glowing box clasped in its hands. It exhaled mightily, and she was chilled by its breath.

Then, it spoke, in a voice so deep it could only belong to an abomination sprung from the depths of the Inferno.

“Believe me,” it sighed, “this is just as unpleasant for me as it is for you.”


	4. Gay chicken

Sherlock tilted his head at John’s arcane reference. “Gay Chicken?”

“It’s just a silly game. We played it in the army sometimes, when we were bored. Do you remember when you and I watched that film Rebel Without A Cause? Where Buzz and Jimmie played ‘Chicken’? They raced toward the cliff--”

“I don’t need to have watched that film to understand Chicken. It is a well-known model of conflict in game theory.”

“Alright, fine. So when you play Gay Chicken, you and another straight bloke take turns touching each other, like for example, you run your hand slowly up his leg, and then he does the same to you. And it escalates until one of you becomes too uncomfortable and calls for an end to the game. The other one is the winner.”

Sherlock looked John up and down, then dropped to his knees, unzipped John’s trousers, and reached inside. He could not complete his intended action, but he did manage to get a good feel of John’s soft, warm cock before John leapt backwards and slapped his hand away. “Hey--HEY! What the hell are you doing?!”

Sherlock shrugged and said, “I win.”


End file.
